Stupid Question
2004-04-07@10:56 p.m.
There's something strangely comforting about the story of "the Butterfly Effect" to me. I'm done with the book and I just got it Monday. I'm still carrying it around with me, opening it randomly to a page and reading for comfort. Even the upsetting parts make me happy, because I know Evan can make it all right in the end.
Why can't I be blessed with his curse?
If I could I would go back and take back friendships, relationships, and the crap of my past and replace them all with what I truly needed all that time. I needed to study, and I needed to focus more on God.
Screw all this, "What I went through made me the person I am today," crap. I couldnt give a care less about the person I am today. I'm not great. In fact I could be much better, smarter...
wiser...
Nothing I'm doing right now REALLY matters.....the play - who cares? no one ever cares about the play but the people in it...school - I've got 26 days left, does any one really care?...
I can't go to church hardly ever because of work, or the play, or my feelings of obligation to other things (that are gone now thanks to a bit of reading I did).
Life doesn't suck, but it's not great like I thought it would be around this time of the year.
Instead of wanting to leave, I find myself longing to hang back with my friends still in high school. I would glady go through the hell of Junoir and Senoir year all over again to be able to stay with Brady, Drew, and Kyle and just not have to worry about college for another year or two.
Wow, why am I SOOOO depressed? I missed BA, Jamie, Susan, Devyn, Trent, and everyone else that usualy makes my week better at church tonight...myabe that's my problem.
Am I emo? Just read this whiny crap I write in here.